crown of joy

A few months ago, I did a presentation with Barbara at the Church Women United's May Friendship Day. After the program, a couple came up to me and shared that they had been through the United Methodist mission programs near the time they had been founded. They met at their training and fell in love; they were then separated for 3 years while one was a J-3 and the other a P-3, going to Japan for 3 years and the Philippines for 3 years, respectively. After they came back, they were married within two months. It's a story fit for cinema.

This is one of the meaningful parts of being a US-2: meeting those who participated in my program in the past, receiving their encouragement, and  having the opportunity to hear their stories and where their journeys took them.

This couple in particular had a special connection to me.

"We named our daughter Stephanie, too. Of course she's older than you."

I smiled. "It's a good name."

"Yes, we picked it out because it means 'crown.' And her middle name was "Joy", so she was "Crown of Joy."

I stared at them a moment and then repeated, "Your daughter's name is Stephanie Joy?"

"Yes--is that--?"

"But that's my name."

I can't describe in words what an intimate and meaningful moment this was. The husband had tears in his eyes, and his wife said, "You must be your parents' crown of joy, too."


This is just one of the many special connections I have experienced since beginning my journey as a US-2. Though I have met other people named Stephanie, and other people with the middle name Joy, I've never actually met anyone else named Stephanie Joy. Crown of Joy. Though I have known that my name means "crown" or "crowned one" for many years, somehow I never thought about my name's meaning in its entirety. Crown of Joy.

I think one of the reasons I have thought about joy so deeply is because it is part of my name, and I am ever trying to live up to my name. This is not always easy, particularly when I forget that it will not be possible apart from God. I have already written a post with some thoughts on the nature of joy, but I am still pondering what it means to be a crown of joy, and perhaps I always will.

oceans

I have always loved the water. Lakes are abundant in Michigan, and on my list of Things I miss, being near water is second only to my friends/family. But as much as I love the lakes, I still feel more connected to the ocean. I attribute this mostly to the summer weeks I spent in Milford, CT throughout my childhood, staying on the Long Island Sound with 40+ family members. Over the years, my cousins and I have developed our skills in sand castle building, finding sea glass and shells, catching jellyfish, hermit crabs, and all manner of other creatures, planning for the tides (sandbar at low tide, swimming at high tide), and more...My memories are filled with joy, and the connection to the ocean is a part of it.

Yet even beyond that, the ocean stirs something deeper in me.

the smell of salt water and
grains of sand beneath my feet
the sound of the waves greeting the shore
water stretching as far as I can see
knowing that the ocean holds life
yet it is powerful and dangerous
it is peace and passion, life and longing
and I feel awe and yearning

This feeling of awe and yearning is something I feel whenever I stop to appreciate creation. I think it has to do with recognizing the beauty of God's work, and with that the knowledge that there is something more, some longing in my heart that God alone can address. And, I feel something more--a sense of call. It is something I cannot always articulate, but it is a deep conviction that I must go. 
I love Oceans by Hillsong because it expresses my feelings so well.

You call me out upon the waters
the great unknown, where feet may fail
and there I find You in the mystery
in oceans deep, my faith will stand 

so I will call upon Your name
and keep my eyes above the waves
when oceans rise 
my soul will rest in Your embrace
for I am Yours
and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters 
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me 
You've never failed 
and You won't start now

Responding to God's call is not something easy, or clear, or even safe (by worldly standards). Because God calls His followers to bring His light to the darkness, we may walk a path where feet may fail. Fear surrounds me, and the injustice seems overwhelming, and the very water that I so love threatens even to drown me. Yet somehow, in the deepest oceans and the roughest waves, I find You. Despite the great unknown, the mystery, the fear, and the failure....Your grace abounds.

I visited the Pacific Ocean on Saturday. And I felt life, and I felt joy, and I felt God. And despite the overwhelming injustices surrounding us, I still believe You will lead us out of the darkness.