I have been trying in vain to write an update for weeks. Somehow, everything I try to write feels empty. I don't know how to describe my experiences in words that are meaningful enough.
I can't believe how lucky I am to be in this position. How could anyone not want a job like mine? I know lots of people wouldn't want it, but for me it is so wonderful that I can't imagine not wanting to do it. (At least, not most of the time! Everyone has their stressful days.)
I know so many incredible people and I get to spend time with people from countries all over the world. My life is full of laughter. I learn to draw, to make date vinegar & date syrup, to say words in new languages, to try new foods, and to consider things from a new point of view.
My international friends are funny and loving. They have real problems and care about real solutions. They have real hearts and real dreams and real joy. This sense of reality is something I have longed for. It's beyond surface level; sincerity in every sense.
My friends inspire me. Many of them are people who have been through hardships I can't even imagine or comprehend. And even now, the challenges continue. But they are here. They have chosen life. They have chosen hope. When I am struggling, they inspire hope in me.
My friends are from many countries, many languages, many cultures, many religions, many backgrounds. I see God in all of them.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Sabbath
When I was in college, I remember once talking to a friend about how overwhelmed I felt. "If only I had one day," I said. "Just one day a week, where I could rest." Pause. "...maybe that's what a Sabbath is for."
Sabbath. The name given for the day of rest.
It can be difficult to recognize a need for Sabbath. In the USA, we are Busy people in a Busy culture. We don't mean to say yes to everything, but, who would do it if we didn't? I think most everyone who is overwhelmed with the Busyness that leads to Burnout has good intentions. But I think some of these unhealthy practices can deteriorate into dangerous (and often subconscious) patterns of thought.
God took time to rest after creating the world. If God rested from work, who am I to say that I don't need rest? Isn't that like saying my work is more important than God's work? Is refusing to rest similar to thinking I am indispensable? Might I not begin to think that my projects cannot be done without me? In reality, the only One necessary in any situation is God, and trying to keep this thought in mind has helped me to feel less pressure and also, I hope, to be less prideful.
If I want my life to be meaningful, I need to take care of myself. How can I contribute to a community if I am overworked to the point that I am fatigued, irritable, and frazzled? How can I strive towards my goals with quality if I can't keep track of my obligations?
These are some of the reasons that I try to have boundaries between my work life and home life. I try not to work from home so that I will not associate my home with work. I try to get enough sleep every night so that I do not lose patience with others due to my fatigue. This is not to say that I am always successful. I am far from that.
At mid-terms, we talked about Sabbath. It reminded me of the importance of rest, and more specifically, the importance of a rest that involves rejuvenation through God. I left that session feeling hopeful that I can recommit to a regular Sabbath. I don't want it to be something legalistic, because then it just becomes another obligation. Rather, I hope that by intentionally practicing Sabbath, I can become more and more the person that God intended me to be.
I'll end with an under-edited poem that I wrote during mid-terms about what Sabbath is to me.
sabbath
at dawn my dreams are not cut short
and I experience them in their entirety
the extensive expectations of the world are lifted
and obligations cannot bind me.
my shadow dances under the sun
the grass is soft between my toes
and I feel connected to the Earth
wondering at the life it contains
holding us to it through threads of gravity.
I can respond to the call of books on my shelf
an invitation to learn from another's story
the library's quiet welcomes me and
invites me to the edge of enlightenment.
my ink spills onto paper
its mess makes sense of my mixed up mind
emotions flow from fingertips to keys
transposing my soul into song.
I make space for creation
magnificent mountains and empty riverbeds
desert plants, flourishing
in a dry and forbidding land
the land of the living is not without danger
the water from the well of life is not easily drawn
hope sometimes hides from me
yet the Spirit on Sabbath bids me--
come. drink deeply. breathe fully. find your hope once more.
Sabbath. The name given for the day of rest.
It can be difficult to recognize a need for Sabbath. In the USA, we are Busy people in a Busy culture. We don't mean to say yes to everything, but, who would do it if we didn't? I think most everyone who is overwhelmed with the Busyness that leads to Burnout has good intentions. But I think some of these unhealthy practices can deteriorate into dangerous (and often subconscious) patterns of thought.
God took time to rest after creating the world. If God rested from work, who am I to say that I don't need rest? Isn't that like saying my work is more important than God's work? Is refusing to rest similar to thinking I am indispensable? Might I not begin to think that my projects cannot be done without me? In reality, the only One necessary in any situation is God, and trying to keep this thought in mind has helped me to feel less pressure and also, I hope, to be less prideful.
If I want my life to be meaningful, I need to take care of myself. How can I contribute to a community if I am overworked to the point that I am fatigued, irritable, and frazzled? How can I strive towards my goals with quality if I can't keep track of my obligations?
These are some of the reasons that I try to have boundaries between my work life and home life. I try not to work from home so that I will not associate my home with work. I try to get enough sleep every night so that I do not lose patience with others due to my fatigue. This is not to say that I am always successful. I am far from that.
At mid-terms, we talked about Sabbath. It reminded me of the importance of rest, and more specifically, the importance of a rest that involves rejuvenation through God. I left that session feeling hopeful that I can recommit to a regular Sabbath. I don't want it to be something legalistic, because then it just becomes another obligation. Rather, I hope that by intentionally practicing Sabbath, I can become more and more the person that God intended me to be.
I'll end with an under-edited poem that I wrote during mid-terms about what Sabbath is to me.
sabbath
at dawn my dreams are not cut short
and I experience them in their entirety
the extensive expectations of the world are lifted
and obligations cannot bind me.
my shadow dances under the sun
the grass is soft between my toes
and I feel connected to the Earth
wondering at the life it contains
holding us to it through threads of gravity.
I can respond to the call of books on my shelf
an invitation to learn from another's story
the library's quiet welcomes me and
invites me to the edge of enlightenment.
my ink spills onto paper
its mess makes sense of my mixed up mind
emotions flow from fingertips to keys
transposing my soul into song.
I make space for creation
magnificent mountains and empty riverbeds
desert plants, flourishing
in a dry and forbidding land
the land of the living is not without danger
the water from the well of life is not easily drawn
hope sometimes hides from me
yet the Spirit on Sabbath bids me--
come. drink deeply. breathe fully. find your hope once more.
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