a world of hardened hearts

Sometimes I ask myself,

Does any of this matter? Do my words mean anything? Will they have any effect on those who hear them?

Will they result in contemplation or will they be filed into predetermined categories-- right and wrong?

When did right and wrong become synonymous with agree and disagree?

Do people yet exist who grapple for the truth? Who are willing to admit their shortcomings, their assumptions, their ignorance? Who want to push beyond that place into one of growth and learning?

Will you question and research and consider before making a judgment? Or are we locked in a futile battle in which no one will change sides? Is your opinion a locked door, and will you refuse to open it even if I find the key?

I want to believe that we are not a world of hardened hearts. I want to believe that people yet exist who care more about doing what is right than being right (or proving another wrong).

For some of us, it is a world of rhetoric. For others, it is life and death.

"God help me distinguish between a true desire for justice, goodness, and mercy and the compulsive need to be proven right." - Rachel Held Evans 

from the land where the sun still shines ~

I realized I have only posted one blog so far this year, so I'm trying to rectify that. My problem is that I don't know what to say. I feel like so much is happening but I have no way to describe it, at least not coherently. But I will do my best.

At work, I've been focusing on several different areas:

Food Workshops - We are trying to develop locally made products that can then be sold at the Farmers Market to support Iskashitaa. We're experimenting with some lesser known food resources--carob powder and Seville oranges, for example--and making a lot of unique food items. I try to schedule at least one workshop each week, and we've been making progress with the help of our main food workshop volunteer, Cadie.
I'm also working on scheduling food demonstrations for refugee cooks to teach one of their recipes using a local food item. At our first demo, we made Seville Orange Swirls and Seville orange juice, learning from a competent Iraqi cook. [This is particularly significant because Sevilles are sour and lots of people here view them as ornamental/useless, and they are everywhere.] Our next workshop is coming up in April, and we'll be learning to make lemon pickle relish from a Bhutanese woman.

Seville Orange Swirls

Faith Based Groups - I continue to try to work on Iskashitaa's connections with various faith-based groups around Tucson. I've been giving lots of presentations, particularly to United Methodist Women's groups, and working on various service projects with church groups/youth groups.

Food for Thought - This is a bi-monthly community potluck that I have been coordinating/developing for the past year or so. It is held at different churches around town, and we invite the congregations/community members/refugees to attend and bring a dish made from a family recipe. These gatherings are so much fun, and the amount of delicious food is overwhelming. Witnessing people come together across cultures to share food and get to know one another is one my favorite parts of working with Iskashitaa. The next potluck is coming up later this month, and I'm hopeful that it will be our best yet!

Our most recent Food for Thought dinner, held at St James UMC in January, had 60+ guests!

Citrus Season - This is primarily affecting the work of my colleague, Chloe, who is our harvesting coordinator. We are in the thick of citrus season, which is the busiest time of the year for us. We get several calls every day from homeowners interested in scheduling a harvest to donate their fruit. Right now, we are scheduled through the beginning of April with 2 harvests each week (and each harvest including multiple properties.) Tomorrow, we are going to a mobile home complex with 39 trees, and later this month, we'll be returning to an orchard with 100 trees for the second time this citrus season with a group from a local church. We have lemons, oranges, blood oranges, tangelos, pomelos, tangerines, Seville oranges, white grapefruit, pink grapefruit, and ruby red grapefruit. Grapefruit. We have more grapefruit than you have ever seen in your life. Really.


I've also been enjoying life outside of work:

Family Visits - My dad came to visit for a week in February, and we had a great time visiting Mount Lemmon, harvesting at Iskashitaa, spending time with my friends, and enjoying some of Tucson's incredible restaurants. Dad also enjoyed working on a variety of projects around our house, including but not limited to our freezer, our doors, and our shower rods. Next up is my mom visiting in a couple weeks, and we'll be going to the Grand Canyon & Sedona before coming down to Tucson. Then, in April, Erica will *hopefully* be coming to stay, too! I'm also holding out for visits from a few of my friends...

Concerts & Performances - Last Friday I got to see the show "Guys & Dolls" with my housemate, Kay. It was my first time to see the show, and it was fantastic! Last Saturday, I went to a special concert celebrating Black History Month featuring some locally known ethnic bands, and a few Iskashitaa musicians opened for them! It was such a fun night to spend dancing and talking with friends.

Time with Friends - In January, I got to spend a weekend in Flagstaff relaxing with some of my friends from the university. Since the New Year, my friend & former US-2 Darlene and I have started taking walks and having dinner together once a week. We have also had a couple potluck parties at my house that have been incredibly fun, especially when they featured impromptu singing/piano performances from some of my friends! I also continue to attend Wesley Foundation every Wednesday, and I'm also enjoying co-leading a Bible study for Wesley every Sunday.

It is hard for me to believe how quickly time seems to be passing. It is now March, and my program ends in July! I have busy months ahead of me, and I know the time will be gone soon. Because of that, I'm beginning to think about what I want to do with the time I have left and how best to value it. I'm also thinking about what I need to do at Iskashitaa so that I can leave things in a good place for whoever comes along after me.

I'm also enjoying the beautiful weather here...sorry to all my friends and family suffering in the cold! As my dear friend Joy says, this has been an update from the land where the sun still shines.

A recent harvest done by a local youth group in one afternoon! 

that's how it is

"It's too bad, but that's just how it is." 

With these words, many a "decent" person can dismiss injustices with a clear conscience. It is not such a difficult thing to do when faced with the overwhelming problems in our world: terrorism, drug cartels, corrupt governments, starving children, refugee camps, systemic injustices, racism, human trafficking, natural disasters. pollution, diseases...the list goes on. The fact that it is not possible for one person to address all of these wrongs seems to make it easier to justify not trying at all. The difference would be minuscule, so what's the point in trying?

I wonder if this was the thought process of the people who turned their backs on the Jews during the Holocaust, or refused to help the slaves seeking freedom in the northern US and Canada. It was too bad, but what could they really do to help? It is as if by recognizing that the situation is regrettable, we absolve ourselves of doing anything about it. As long as the injustice is not our reality, it is not at the forefront of our minds. After all, we donate our unwanted clothes, and contribute cans to the food drive, and volunteer occasionally, and give some extra cash to that charity. Isn't that enough? Because sure, the problems are there, but since we cannot imagine solving them in our lifetimes, we just have to accept it: that's how it is. It's too bad, but that's just how it is.


I do not want this to be my life. I do not want to be the person who turns away from the fight for justice because it is difficult and overwhelming. I want to recognize that even when change seems impossible, by neglecting to try we make that impossibility a certainty.

I refuse to accept "that's how it is."
I want my life to be about changing and challenging "that's how it is."

I want "that's how it is" to become "that's how it was."

claim the name

When I was eleven, I went through confirmation at my home church, Bellevue UMC. It was during this time that I first heard the song Sanctuary, when we went to District Conference. We all loved the song, and so during our official confirmation, on Easter Sunday, we all played the song together on our instruments. Then, after speaking the words which confirmed our faith and affirmed our baptisms, we received Bibles. On the front cover were the words, "Claim the Name." This was the theme of our confirmation time--claim the name of Disciple of Jesus.

This idea of "claiming the name" comes to mind whenever I think about the term "missionary." In August 2013, I was commissioned as a missionary of the United Methodist Church. It can be challenging to claim the name of missionary for several reasons:

The word "missionary" often carries negative connotations. 
What do you think of when you think of missionaries? Often what comes to mind first is the idea of someone going to another country with intent to convert, frequently in culturally-insensitive fashion. Arrogant, self-righteous, hypocritical, and closed-minded are some other terms that hit the mark. With these ideas in mind, I hesitate to label myself as a missionary for fear of what others might think of me.

Something central for my fellow missionaries and myself has been the need to redefine missionary. Many others in my program have shared stories about needing to reassure colleagues and friends that they "aren't that type of missionary." So what type of missionaries are we?

To me, it boils down to seeking justice in faith. The "in faith" part is incredibly important--it is the reason behind the action, the foundation beneath my work. . The justice part is also crucial. My mission is not only to live a life founded on my faith, but to live with the intent to alleviate suffering, to fight for justice, to live with compassion, and to love our neighbors. To me, faith and justice are intertwined and inseparable.

This is not a negative definition. So why is it still so hard to claim the title of missionary?
Because it is so much to live up to. 

Being a missionary means I have accepted not only the challenge of working for justice, but also the challenge to grow in my faith and to remain connected with the church community. As a result, I feel the need to hold myself to a higher standard. I hesitate to claim the title in everyday life because I pressure myself to be perfect, and I fear the judgment of others when I cannot live up to it. In essence, it comes down to my own pride and my tendency to try to do everything myself instead of relying on God and remembering the assurance of grace.

I hope that I can get better at claiming the name of missionary rather than focusing on my fear of what others might think. After all, if my faith in God is so important to me, if it is what has brought me to this place, I should not be ashamed of it.

save the squash!

On Saturday morning, after a forty minute drive to Buckelew Farm, I stepped into the comfortable morning air to survey a seemingly endless field filled with pumpkins and native squashes. It was November 1st, the day after Halloween--AKA the day when pumpkins leave the minds of most Americans until next October.

But what about all those patches full pumpkins never picked? These nutritious, long-lasting food resources rot away while all over the US, people are struggling with hunger and food insecurity.
It is hard to comprehend the sheer scope of the waste. Right now I can't find any data to help us wrap our minds around the amount of pumpkins that go to waste each year. I did find that 1.4 billion pounds of pumpkins/squash are produced in the US each year--and how much of that do you think is leftover after Halloween? My guess is, a depressingly high amount.

For our harvesting crew, though, it was a beautiful day and we were in high-spirits as we rescued the most palatable, nutritious, and long-lasting squash from rotting away. We focused on varieties of squash less-known to most Americans while the Bhutanese with us scoured the field for the freshest pumpkin leaves.

We filled two pickup trucks and the back of the Iskashitaa cargo van with squash and pumpkins! 

Squash will be a fixture at the Iskashitaa office for the next six months since our only limit was the space in the vehicles we brought. I'm hoping to experiment with some recipes to see how I can better incorporate pumpkin into my diet, and to encourage my friends and family members to do so, too! 

I challenge you: call up some local pumpkin farms to see if they would be willing to donate any of their leftover pumpkins/squash, and take some back to your church, food bank, or nonprofit. Then try out some new recipes and see what you find. 

In the meantime, enjoy these pictures from our Saturday outing, taken from the Iskashitaa Facebook page! 

I had fun harvesting with my friends! Normally I only see them before/after harvests. 

An expansive field on a beautiful morning. 

These squash are incredibly heavy! I could only carry one at a time. 

We had a great sized group for our Saturday morning harvest! We had volunteers from Presybterian Campus Ministry, St. Thomas the Apostle Church, and the Young Adult Volunteers program.

sincere reality

I have been trying in vain to write an update for weeks. Somehow, everything I try to write feels empty. I don't know how to describe my experiences in words that are meaningful enough.

I can't believe how lucky I am to be in this position. How could anyone not want a job like mine? I know lots of people wouldn't want it, but for me it is so wonderful that I can't imagine not wanting to do it. (At least, not most of the time! Everyone has their stressful days.)

I know so many incredible people and I get to spend time with people from countries all over the world. My life is full of laughter. I learn to draw, to make date vinegar & date syrup, to say words in new languages, to try new foods, and to consider things from a new point of view.

My international friends are funny and loving. They have real problems and care about real solutions. They have real hearts and real dreams and real joy. This sense of reality is something I have longed for. It's beyond surface level; sincerity in every sense.

My friends inspire me. Many of them are people who have been through hardships I can't even imagine or comprehend. And even now, the challenges continue. But they are here. They have chosen life. They have chosen hope. When I am struggling, they inspire hope in me.

My friends are from many countries, many languages, many cultures, many religions, many backgrounds. I see God in all of them.

Sabbath

When I was in college, I remember once talking to a friend about how overwhelmed I felt. "If only I had one day," I said. "Just one day a week, where I could rest." Pause. "...maybe that's what a Sabbath is for."

Sabbath. The name given for the day of rest.

It can be difficult to recognize a need for Sabbath. In the USA, we are Busy people in a Busy culture. We don't mean to say yes to everything, but, who would do it if we didn't? I think most everyone who is overwhelmed with the Busyness that leads to Burnout has good intentions. But I think some of these unhealthy practices can deteriorate into dangerous (and often subconscious) patterns of thought.

God took time to rest after creating the world. If God rested from work, who am I to say that I don't need rest? Isn't that like saying my work is more important than God's work? Is refusing to rest similar to thinking I am indispensable? Might I not begin to think that my projects cannot be done without me? In reality, the only One necessary in any situation is God, and trying to keep this thought in mind has helped me to feel less pressure and also, I hope, to be less prideful.

If I want my life to be meaningful, I need to take care of myself. How can I contribute to a community if I am overworked to the point that I am fatigued, irritable, and frazzled? How can I strive towards my goals with quality if I can't keep track of my obligations?

These are some of the reasons that I try to have boundaries between my work life and home life. I try not to work from home so that I will not associate my home with work. I try to get enough sleep every night so that I do not lose patience with others due to my fatigue. This is not to say that I am always successful. I am far from that.

At mid-terms, we talked about Sabbath. It reminded me of the importance of rest, and more specifically, the importance of a rest that involves rejuvenation through God. I left that session feeling hopeful that I can recommit to a regular Sabbath. I don't want it to be something legalistic, because then it just becomes another obligation. Rather, I hope that by intentionally practicing Sabbath, I can become more and more the person that God intended me to be.

I'll end with an under-edited poem that I wrote during mid-terms about what Sabbath is to me.

sabbath 
at dawn my dreams are not cut short
and I experience them in their entirety
the extensive expectations of the world are lifted
and obligations cannot bind me.

my shadow dances under the sun
the grass is soft between my toes
and I feel connected to the Earth
wondering at the life it contains
holding us to it through threads of gravity.

I can respond to the call of books on my shelf
an invitation to learn from another's story
the library's quiet welcomes me and
invites me to the edge of enlightenment.
my ink spills onto paper
its mess makes sense of my mixed up mind
emotions flow from fingertips to keys
transposing my soul into song.

I make space for creation
magnificent mountains    and    empty riverbeds
desert plants, flourishing
in a dry and forbidding land

the land of the living is not without danger
the water from the well of life is not easily drawn
hope sometimes hides from me
yet the Spirit on Sabbath bids me--
come. drink deeply. breathe fully. find your hope once more.