claim the name

When I was eleven, I went through confirmation at my home church, Bellevue UMC. It was during this time that I first heard the song Sanctuary, when we went to District Conference. We all loved the song, and so during our official confirmation, on Easter Sunday, we all played the song together on our instruments. Then, after speaking the words which confirmed our faith and affirmed our baptisms, we received Bibles. On the front cover were the words, "Claim the Name." This was the theme of our confirmation time--claim the name of Disciple of Jesus.

This idea of "claiming the name" comes to mind whenever I think about the term "missionary." In August 2013, I was commissioned as a missionary of the United Methodist Church. It can be challenging to claim the name of missionary for several reasons:

The word "missionary" often carries negative connotations. 
What do you think of when you think of missionaries? Often what comes to mind first is the idea of someone going to another country with intent to convert, frequently in culturally-insensitive fashion. Arrogant, self-righteous, hypocritical, and closed-minded are some other terms that hit the mark. With these ideas in mind, I hesitate to label myself as a missionary for fear of what others might think of me.

Something central for my fellow missionaries and myself has been the need to redefine missionary. Many others in my program have shared stories about needing to reassure colleagues and friends that they "aren't that type of missionary." So what type of missionaries are we?

To me, it boils down to seeking justice in faith. The "in faith" part is incredibly important--it is the reason behind the action, the foundation beneath my work. . The justice part is also crucial. My mission is not only to live a life founded on my faith, but to live with the intent to alleviate suffering, to fight for justice, to live with compassion, and to love our neighbors. To me, faith and justice are intertwined and inseparable.

This is not a negative definition. So why is it still so hard to claim the title of missionary?
Because it is so much to live up to. 

Being a missionary means I have accepted not only the challenge of working for justice, but also the challenge to grow in my faith and to remain connected with the church community. As a result, I feel the need to hold myself to a higher standard. I hesitate to claim the title in everyday life because I pressure myself to be perfect, and I fear the judgment of others when I cannot live up to it. In essence, it comes down to my own pride and my tendency to try to do everything myself instead of relying on God and remembering the assurance of grace.

I hope that I can get better at claiming the name of missionary rather than focusing on my fear of what others might think. After all, if my faith in God is so important to me, if it is what has brought me to this place, I should not be ashamed of it.